The news that Shouhei was moving had been enough of a blow, on its own. It didn’t need a reasoning behind it for it to sting. It had stung the first time it happened, back in high school. Back when he’d needed him more than ever. Back when he’d been trapped. Trapped at home. No, not home. He’d been trapped in a place that should have been loving and accepting and supportive - but instead it was filled with people he hardly considered to be family - and who he was certain had disowned him long ago, as well.
Back then, everyday had been filled with condescending and boastful remarks from his two older brothers. Complete disgust and disappointment shown on the face of his father. And utter shame written across his mother’s features. It was no wonder he’d grown up so competitive. So desperate for first place - for the spotlight. So petty. He’d wanted their opinion of him to better, but even second place - even a hair behind first place wasn’t good enough. And failure…that was never a topic that was up for discussion.
But through it all, Shouhei’d always been his support - even if he’d been completely oblivious to it. Because Bandou had never let known what went on behind the doors of his home. No, not home. It was never a home to him. And even though Shouhei was just like his brothers, always beating him at everything - always one-upping him - he never ever looked down on him for being second place. And yeah, Bandou was all petty all the time, but Shouhei always laughed that off and said things in a way that made him feel like things would be okay.
And then he moved away. But that first time Shouhei’d left, he didn’t have a choice. He was a kid - still in high school. His parents decided to move and that meant he had to move, as well. It was plain and simple. Sure Bandou could be bitter and petty about it - he would be petty over it, that’s how Bandou dealt with things. But he didn’t honestly hold it against him because he knew, deep down, that it really wasn’t Shouhei’s choice to make.
Without Shouhei there, things were unbearable. So Bandou left that place that was supposed to be a home. It wasn’t as if he ever felt like he was wanted there, to begin with - like they ever even wanted him to succeed and rise to their high standards. And it wasn’t until he found HOMRA and his King that Bandou finally started to feel like he had support once more - and finally started to know what the word family was supposed to mean. And when Shouhei showed back up that day - god the idiot was really so oblivious - Bandou finally felt completely…comfortable.
Except now, Shouhei was leaving again. But this time around things were entirely different. This time, Shouhei was moving, and it was his choice. Entirely his own choice. He could have told his job, “No” - that he didn’t want to be transferred. That he couldn’t be transferred because he had important people here, and any perks this promotion was granting him just weren’t worth receiving if it meant being away from those people. But he didn’t. He’d said, “Yes” - and now all the guys were patting him on the back and giving him their congrats. Seemed like Bandou was the only one upset in this situation. But there was no way they could call him out for being petty this time around.
“You can’t just leave HOMRA like this!” Shouhei had ventured outside the bar when he noticed San-chan wasn’t around enjoying his ‘going away cake’ along with everyone else. He discovered his friend seated on the bar steps, but along with him, Shouhei also uncovered an earful of Bandou’s feelings on the whole moving situation. “We’re comrades for a reason! We stick together!”
This wasn’t about HOMRA, though. Well, it was but - it was more than that. So much more. So much more that Shouhei should just get - that he should just understand about him by now, even if Bandou had never come out and said it.
“I’m not leaving the clan, San-chan. I’ll just be in a different city.”
Bandou gave an exasperated groan, gripping at his hair and practically knocking his hat off. “You don’t get it! You never understood anything!”
“I…”
“Why do you need more money anyway?! Everything’s fine how it is!”
“Money is important, so’s having a good job. You’re gonna need to keep one eventually yourself, San-chan.”
It wasn’t said at all the way Bandou heard it. It was said the way Shouhei always spoke to him - encouraging and with a bit of a laugh at the end. But all Bandou heard were echoes of his father’s words. And suddenly, Shouhei’s lighthearted tone sounded, instead, full of disappointment and disgust.
Bandou wanted punch Shouhei in the face for saying that to him. He wanted to scream at him for ditching his clan - for ditching him. He wanted to…cry. But all he could get himself to do was shove his hands in his pockets and push past the thing that he once leaned against.
Choice / Choices
Back then, everyday had been filled with condescending and boastful remarks from his two older brothers. Complete disgust and disappointment shown on the face of his father. And utter shame written across his mother’s features. It was no wonder he’d grown up so competitive. So desperate for first place - for the spotlight. So petty. He’d wanted their opinion of him to better, but even second place - even a hair behind first place wasn’t good enough. And failure…that was never a topic that was up for discussion.
But through it all, Shouhei’d always been his support - even if he’d been completely oblivious to it. Because Bandou had never let known what went on behind the doors of his home. No, not home. It was never a home to him. And even though Shouhei was just like his brothers, always beating him at everything - always one-upping him - he never ever looked down on him for being second place. And yeah, Bandou was all petty all the time, but Shouhei always laughed that off and said things in a way that made him feel like things would be okay.
And then he moved away. But that first time Shouhei’d left, he didn’t have a choice. He was a kid - still in high school. His parents decided to move and that meant he had to move, as well. It was plain and simple. Sure Bandou could be bitter and petty about it - he would be petty over it, that’s how Bandou dealt with things. But he didn’t honestly hold it against him because he knew, deep down, that it really wasn’t Shouhei’s choice to make.
Without Shouhei there, things were unbearable. So Bandou left that place that was supposed to be a home. It wasn’t as if he ever felt like he was wanted there, to begin with - like they ever even wanted him to succeed and rise to their high standards. And it wasn’t until he found HOMRA and his King that Bandou finally started to feel like he had support once more - and finally started to know what the word family was supposed to mean. And when Shouhei showed back up that day - god the idiot was really so oblivious - Bandou finally felt completely…comfortable.
Except now, Shouhei was leaving again. But this time around things were entirely different. This time, Shouhei was moving, and it was his choice. Entirely his own choice. He could have told his job, “No” - that he didn’t want to be transferred. That he couldn’t be transferred because he had important people here, and any perks this promotion was granting him just weren’t worth receiving if it meant being away from those people. But he didn’t. He’d said, “Yes” - and now all the guys were patting him on the back and giving him their congrats. Seemed like Bandou was the only one upset in this situation. But there was no way they could call him out for being petty this time around.
“You can’t just leave HOMRA like this!” Shouhei had ventured outside the bar when he noticed San-chan wasn’t around enjoying his ‘going away cake’ along with everyone else. He discovered his friend seated on the bar steps, but along with him, Shouhei also uncovered an earful of Bandou’s feelings on the whole moving situation. “We’re comrades for a reason! We stick together!”
This wasn’t about HOMRA, though. Well, it was but - it was more than that. So much more. So much more that Shouhei should just get - that he should just understand about him by now, even if Bandou had never come out and said it.
“I’m not leaving the clan, San-chan. I’ll just be in a different city.”
Bandou gave an exasperated groan, gripping at his hair and practically knocking his hat off. “You don’t get it! You never understood anything!”
“I…”
“Why do you need more money anyway?! Everything’s fine how it is!”
“Money is important, so’s having a good job. You’re gonna need to keep one eventually yourself, San-chan.”
It wasn’t said at all the way Bandou heard it. It was said the way Shouhei always spoke to him - encouraging and with a bit of a laugh at the end. But all Bandou heard were echoes of his father’s words. And suddenly, Shouhei’s lighthearted tone sounded, instead, full of disappointment and disgust.
Bandou wanted punch Shouhei in the face for saying that to him. He wanted to scream at him for ditching his clan - for ditching him. He wanted to…cry. But all he could get himself to do was shove his hands in his pockets and push past the thing that he once leaned against.
“Enjoy Sapporo.”